How Ugly we r as singaporeans?
Went for this average seafood buffet, as singaporean as i can b, n seeing all these jialat kind of people. Dumbasses who pui onto the floor, pile their food like skyscraper liddat LOR, then totally bo etiQUETTE one. Like they own the place la, alamak! Eat dinner also want act big big.
But like always, we r dumb n shallow. So dun BRAME us la.
Anyway we like cheena ppl liddat all cheapskate like sai liddat so we'll aim for all these cheapo $12 all you can eat and stuff ourselves like SIAO.
We won't stupid stupid eat what SEOUL GARDEN la, 20 plus bucks to eat the same stuff. Come on la, only those BONAO angmohs will go la. Class what class, standard ah, Oh PerLEASE. Eat inside all come out as sai, wwhy you care so much?
We singaporeans are very steady one, the place look like rubbish dump, we will still eat if the food is JIN HOSEI eh. We can queue until ka-serng just to get freebies LOR. Dun pray pray kay?
We can blur like sotong everywhere, cos everyone is EQUALLY blur mah. Chiong down to sales and lug back all the barang barang like gee-siao liddat also nvm one.
We practise 3Ds also lor.
Dan jia
Dan kun
Dan see
And the 4Bs.
Bang sai
Bang pui
Bang jiu
Bang GANG!
Don't understang nvm. We are the most SOPHISTICATED people so you don't understand nvm. We are trained in all lifeskills sia. Like sabo-ing la, act sotong la. No fight one.
But as usual we singaporeans got our lazy side. So i shall end off here, don't miss me ah? And here's a lovely message from the CheeKoPeks Society (CS):
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Big John
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did we mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened--Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of his summer vacation, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
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Smug Doc Pulls A Fast One
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
"You must be capable of doing two things during an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."
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Head Of The Membership Committee?
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
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The Better Invention
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention the car, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with Adam, the first man." St. Peter points Adam out to Ford.
When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks "Hey aren't you the inventor of woman?"
Adam says, "Yes, with a little help from God."
"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention : 1) There is too much front end protrusion; 2) It chatters at high speeds; 3) The rear end wobbles too much; and 4) the intake is too close to the exhaust."
"Hmm," says Adam, "Hold on." Adam goes to the celestial computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it.
He then says to Ford, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar
computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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Spread Your...Wings
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!"
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Fruit Packers
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.
First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explains the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in, but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doin' just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all those watermelons!"
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Women Bare All
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long."
The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long."
"Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship."
The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"
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